Silver Lining

I aplogize for being MIA for the past couple weeks. But I would like to share with you my experience.

In May of 2008 my husband and I decided it was time to add another little one to our family. We went to the doctor and had my IUD removed. It immediately threw my hormones completely for a loop. My cycles never regulated on their own, it was like just one continuous cycle for 8 months. I was going through a sort of depression. Not a sad depression, but more like things that mattered once to me no longer did. I was kind of out of sync with the rest of the world.

Finally my doctors started to take me seriously and after 5 or so different forms of birth control and medicines I was finally feeling like me again. 9 months after that my period was a couple days late, which it never is. I took a test and there was a faint line. I didn't actually believe it was true. It was so faint, I didn't want to get my hopes up. I looked it up online and found that there were other moms that had this happen too but it was because it was just too early in the pregnancy and there weren't enough hormones yet to get that dark blue "definitely" line. So I waited a couple days and took another one (different brand) and got the same result. So I waited a couple more days, same result. I was so anxious! I wanted to know for sure. I was exploding inside, I wanted to be excited but didn't want to get my hopes up just in case. So I called the doctor and they had me come in the next day.

I did all the little tests and then finally the doctor came in and told me what I wanted to hear... "You're definitely pregnant". For one second I was so excited, finally after almost 2 years we were going to have a baby. Then the doctor shattered everything and told me that he was pretty sure I was miscarrying. I was in complete disbelief. I thought either he was going to tell me I was pregnant, or he was going to say that I wasn't. Miscarriage never crossed my mind.

Then he proceeded to explain to me what a miscarriage was. In the middle of a very scientific explanation filled with an abundance of intelligent and impersonal medical terms I informed him that this wasn't my first miscarriage. Then after an extremely uncomfortable amount of time where he sat fumbling through my file to find that information on his own and I sat crying and dying just a touch inside, he said "well at least you don't have trouble getting pregnant." Really? After almost 2 years of trying? Really? So I asked him that, and he said that it looks like I have a short cycle which means I ovulate on the 10th day instead of the 14th day which means I haven't had "good exposure" and "we can't count those months". W-O-W! That made me feel better...in no way at all. So basically all the heartache I would feel when I got my period every month for the past year and a half was my own fault because I wasn't doing it right!? I just went home and cried.

The next day my blood work came back and the triage nurse said that my "hormone levels were too low" for how far along I would be to "sustain a pregnancy". That night I started bleeding. I took 2 Tylenol PMs to help me just sleep through it. At 11:00 pm the, what I would call with my experience, contractions woke me up. It was so excruciating like labor, coming in waves, and I almost had my husband take me to the hospital. After about 2 hours I was able to relax a little and sleep on and off the rest of the night piggy backing Tylenol and ibuprofen. In the morning it was still very painful and making me nauseous so I called my doctors office. The triage nurse called me back and told me that it was "just like a bad period" and to put a "heating pad on it". I burst into tears and told her that "we've been trying to have this baby for a long time and I finally get pregnant and now I'm losing it and you're telling me it's like a bad period?" Then I asked her if this advice was coming from her or a doctor? She said from the doctor. So I asked her which one...one I didn't see. Then, as I'm still crying, I ask her if it was a man or a woman and if they've ever gone through this or if she had, and if they did they wouldn't be telling me that it's just like a "bad period". Then I told her that knowing this is happening hurts me enough and I shouldn't have to feel the physical pain of it too. So she told me to take an ibuprofen and put a heating pad on it. At this point I just hung up.

After 2 days of cramping and a vow to never step foot in that doctors office again I called my primary care physician to see if I could finish up the final blood work with him. He personally called me right back and the first thing he asked after telling me he was so sorry I was going through this was if I needed anything for the pain or nausea. I burst into tears again (which I don't do often, not much of a cryer) and told him about my experience with my OBGYN. Then I told him that I was fine, now the cramping was like a bad period, but I would be okay. He then went around his office and asked the nurses what OBGYNs they go to or have heard are good and gave me a list of names and phone numbers of new offices to try.

He had me come in a couple days later and called me again the next day to personally give me the results that everything looked the way it should. Thank heavens there are still doctors out there that genuinely care for their patients well being, and treat them as a person, instead of just symptoms.