Christa R. Monroe,NC
Recent Posts
Monday, September 14, 2009
Double Trouble
My twins usually get along wonderfully. But lately the bigger of the two has become a bit of a bully. She bites her sister, she pushes her down and takes her food. It's frustrating because I know they love each other, and these moments are not every moment. They only happen every few days, but I don't know how to make it stop! I want this problem resolved before my new baby is born in December. HELP!
3 comments:
Although I don't have twins I still have a Porter and he likes to sometimes bully the younger daycare kids. I have found that when I reprimand him I refer to the daycare kids as MY friends and he isn't allowed to talk to MY friends that way. Also when he gets rough with his sisters I refer to them as MY children and hitting or teasing MY daughter/son is simply not allowed. By referring to them as mine, he stops and thinks because it takes him back. It might be worth a try.
I have recently noticed the same thing with my two children (not twins). I feel like the two of them have always been best friends, "I got your back" team, yet recently my older (who was previously the peace maker to the younger) started pushing the younger one around. All of a sudden I felt like they couldn't be left alone for a second without someone screaming. I think the surprising realization came when I noticed my younger one recently pushing my older ones buttons intentionally. HMMM.
In the past I have just stayed firm with immediate time-out if we use our hands in a mean way. Now with the younger ones recent actions I am not sure what the best approach is.
I always thought that my children would never fight with one another. Now I think that maybe fighting with your siblings is what makes the strong bond or the "you really will always love me" mentality that creates the stronger than steel relationship later in life. Maybe that's why today my best friend is my sister. Just something to think about.
I fought like cats and dogs with my siblings, and none of us are very close. The parents reinforcing respect has a big part to do with it.
It doesn't matter what the behavior is, biting, screaming in public, whining when asked to do something... one thing that is always helpful is my face. If I get a shocked reaction out of them for misbehavior by gasping and giving them a "What did you DO!" kind of look, it's sure to get their attention. I make sure they see it. They think twice about it.
And if I see something I've tried to teach that they are applying, like saying THank you, sharing, caring for each other, I give them a look of praise, tell them how appreciated that behavior is, and make sure they see that too.
Part of it is figuring out what is ok, and what is not ok. The other part comes from what you reinforce, and what you draw the line about. Sometimes you have to look harder for the good behavior to praise, but always do more praising than scolding and they'll be ok.
Post a Comment